Laced
by yaba
Summary: Luby: [Post Season 10 Finale] Epilogue: The Golden Gates. Abby finally confesses her feelings to Luka and later he gets closure.
1. Prologue: Eulogy

Laced 

Disclaimer: don't own anything.

Rating: R

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale

Pairing: Luka/Abby

Summary: After Luka witnesses Sam turn away from him, he decides he's had enough heartbreak.

Prologue: Eulogy

Rain is an unexpected thing, Luka thought glancing out the window and clutching a mug of coffee to his chest with one hand, while the other pinched the bridge of his nose. It was silent in his bedroom, but the first rays of sunshine tried desperately to breakthrough the grim weather of the night.

Alas day was here, and that meant another 10-hour shift without so much as a break to catch a breath, not that he was complaining, he'd known that this job of saving people came with restrictions, and if sleep was his ultimate sacrifice, so be it. At least another person would breathe tonight, and no he wasn't trying to be noble, it just so happened that in his position you couldn't help but be self-pitying.

Remembering when you lost someone dear to you like Dr. Kovac had, a decade earlier, you couldn't help but somehow see the face of your deceased loved ones in the faces of traumatized youth or health impaired elderly. That's what got him to his feet in the morning, besides the coffee that was today laced with cognac.

He didn't have a problem with drinking. He didn't have an addictive personality. He never wondered about lighting a joint and tweaking the day away like some people his age still thought about. He never had any intention of breaking promises or not attending important meetings, but he also had no intention of nursing his broken heart after three months of waiting.

Sam was just not coming back and he had to accept it. Closing his eyes, Luka willed himself to remember the months of happiness he'd spent believing that she really let him in, believing that her son Alex could finally grow up with a father figure in his life. Hell, he was so wrong.

And in his profession there was no room for error, perhaps his personal life differed greatly from his successful career, and yet Luka couldn't help but wonder if it was somehow his fault that Sam skipped town.

Looking down at his coffee, he chastised himself for blaming himself again. It wasn't his fault. It was never his fault and that's what ate away at him.

When his wife and two kids died in the war, he was powerless to stop it.

When Carol Hathaway walked away from him, he could do nothing except give her a path of freedom, after all she was a grown lady, with two kids to raise and a decision to make, and no matter how loving he was maybe she didn't love him back.

Maybe Sam never loved him back either, and it was true that certain circumstances in her past didn't allow her the capacity to love, but was it his fault?  No.

Taking another sip of the laced coffee, Luka stared out on to the street, refusing to move from his spot, and even though at the rate he was going, he'd be late for work anyway he couldn't help feeling guilty that he wasn't already dressed and ready to go.

Suddenly the phone ring pulled him out of his reprieve, and he walked over to the cordless set. The caller ID flashed "Lockhart" and Luka let out a bitter yet rueful chuckle into the empty room.

Of all his failed relationships with women, those that he treasured and didn't, not one of them could ever compare to the confusion he felt after he broke up with Abby.

No wonder a smile flashed on his face when she greeted him 'hello', she was still a mystery in his life, and hopefully not all was lost yet…

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad 

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

TBC…


	2. Part 1: Coward

Laced

Disclaimer: don't own anything, 'mad world' by Gary Jules.

Rating: R

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale.

Pairing: Luka/Abby

Summary: After Luka witnesses Sam turn away from him, he decides he's had enough heartbreak.

Part 1: Coward

" I need a an attending pediatric physician in trauma 1." Kerry Weaver announced coming into the main lounge. Jerry looked at her a second and then nudged his head to Luka who was absentmindedly staring at a few papers in his hands, unaware that Dr. Weaver was sending him one of her infamous looks of steel.

" That means you Dr. Kovac." Kerry proceeded to trudge slowly to the pediatrician, who looked up, very much disoriented.

" Huh? Excuse me Kerry, did you want something?"

Usually if someone in her staff had asked her such a preposterous question, she'd be point blank pissed off, but be it his soulful stare or his atypical disheveled appearance that softened Weaver's reply but it had to be something.

" There's an 11 year old with a broken elbow in trauma 1." She repeated in detail.

" Oh." Luka understood that he was needed, and walked passed the woman toward the trauma room, lucky if he could avoid her the entire day.

" Wait Luka." Kerry called after him, and he stopped, " So much for avoidance." He murmured and turned around.

" What's with you today, you're usually so much more alive." Weaver knew it was a cheap assumption, after all it was early in the morning, and who knew what could've been the catalyst for his uncanny behavior, or maybe she was being anal about it.

No, she decided, she was as concerned with her doctors as she was with her patients, so this must be sorted out.

Luka looked surprised that she took interest in him but through his slightly blood shot eyes, he replied, a tint of Croatian accent in his voice, " Kerry, it's 8 in the morning, and I didn't get much sleep, now if you'll excuse me, I have to take care of a kid in pain."

With that he turned around and walked into the room, drawing the curtain behind him.

Once again the harshness of his words was sugarcoated with the soft tones he used, so Kerry went the opposite way, though doubting very seriously that the only cause of Luka's behavior this morning was lack of rest…

" Abby I need to schedule a cat scan for Edward Kiths." John Carter strolled up alongside his ex girlfriend as she walked down the hallway from the break room.

" Sure but right now there's a child with a broken elbow in line." She replied, as John casually gave her the file of the elderly man.

" Luka's patient?" Carter asked quietly, as he bypassed a gurney led by Susan Lewis and Neela, going the opposite direction. Abby didn't even do a double take as she glanced at the bleeding patient that was probably being sent to the O.R., one of the advantages or disadvantages, whichever you preferred, was being around patients everyday, and not even blinking.

" Yes." Abby nodded, still skimming Kiths' file.

" Hard one, I took a look myself, and it doesn't look like an ordinary fracture." Carter supplied.

Abby let out a sigh and said, " Let Dr. Kovac take care of that kid, meanwhile quit beating around the bush with all this small talk and tell me what you need." They stopped walking and ended up at the front desk, Carter coughed, looking slightly uncomfortable, but Abby didn't seem to care as she put him on the spot.

" Okay, I suppose I have been beating around the bush, but that's only because I'm not sure I would get a straight answer or some sort of reply if I approached you with this in the beginning."

" What makes you so sure?"

" Because, Abby, I think it's legit if I say I know you just a little bit, and all I had to ask was how are Eric and Maggie." John said softly, knowing he was entering uncharted territories with this question.

Abby expelled a heavy breath of relief, " You idiot." She exclaimed, though none of the staff heard, being too caught up with their own duties, " I thought you were going to ask me some life or death question, though when you're dealing with my family, it could be life or death."

John let out a vigilant chuckle, trying to sound as if her humor didn't really get to him, because after all he knew everything wasn't as it seemed in the Lockhart household.

" Nope, just trying to catch up, I know we haven't talked in a while, you know really talk like we used to, and me being back from Congo and all brings the distance factor way, way down so I think this is a perfect time as any to-…"

" John you're rambling." Abby said semi uninterested, thinking about how many patients were being wheeled into the ER, while John took up her time; it wasn't that she didn't want to speak with him, it was just that getting over him was the hardest thing she ever had to do and being reminded of her old wounds wasn't something she was very fond of doing.

Despite common misconceptions Abby no longer harbored any romantic feelings toward Dr. Carter, and despite her greatest resistance that place was reserved for a different doctor, one who liked children and would always remain the tall dark and handsome prince who swept her off her feet…well sort of.

The rest of the conversation with John remained a blur to Abby; all she remembered was they'd made plans to have dinner tonight, in celebration of their newfound friendship, even though Abby found it cowardly on John's part, as if she needed to be the reason he didn't feel guilt for breaking up with her.

It didn't even matter though, because knowing herself, Abby knew she would have dinner with him, and pursue a friendship, because she was also very cowardly, and wouldn't ever voice her skepticism about his noble actions.

It was just how she was programmed, from an early age, to take life in stride, and if that meant one lousy dinner with an ex boyfriend fine, at least it wasn't Luka who was suggesting they bare their souls to each other over a glass of wine, that would be just a slap in the face.

But then again, maybe that's how you build character, and it gave 'karma' a new meaning.

If Luka ever approached her under any circumstances for a social visit, she'd obviously know she'd done something very awful in her life, but right now she needed a cigarette.

After booking the CAT scan for Mr. Kiths, she asked Neela to cover for her, and took the elevator to the roof, just as she was about to light up, she came face to face with someone she didn't really want to see.

" Gives irony a new meaning." She murmured, and lit her cigarette.

" Hey Luka."

" Hi."

Long minutes of silence ensued until Luka breeched it.

" I've been meaning to ask you, why did you call this morning and hang up the phone?"

Abby blew out another puff of smoke deciding how to best answer him without looking like an idiot.

A few moments passed and she gave up on searching for a normal answer, so she took the spineless way out.

" Wrong number, you'll be lucky to know that I have you on speed dial right next to Maggie."

Luka raised an eyebrow, she wasn't sure if he was buying it or not, but he seemed to be surprised she still had him on speed dial, " You have me on speed dial?"

" Yes, don't think too much of yourself stud, it's not like I wanted to hear your voice." She let out a stony smile, wondering if he actually bought that.

He seemed too, and maybe it was better that way…

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere 

TBC…


	3. Part 2: Bite The Bullet

Laced

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, 'all I want is you' by U2.

Rating: R for precautions, but will be later on.

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale.

Pairing: Luka/Abby, Carter/Abby friendship.

Summary: Part 2: Bite The Bullet. Luka mourns Sam's departure and Abby has dinner with John during which new truths are exposed.

Part 2: Bite The Bullet

While getting ready for her dinner with Carter, Abby was beating herself up over the idiotic conversation she'd provoked with Luka early that day on the roof.

" Fucking idiot." She chastised herself in the solitary confinement of her bedroom, or more likely her closet, since right now she didn't know what to wear. Where did all her dressy clothes go? It seemed lately all she wore was a hospital coat and occasionally yellow scrubs.

Were they even going to a dressy restaurant?

Resting her forehead against the coolness of the closet door she gave herself a breather to prevent an anxiety attack. " God Abby what are you doing?"

She knew she was stepping into a self-made trap again, one filled with confusion and lies, and of course probably great sex. Thinking about her dinner with John, she couldn't help but wonder if he was trying once again to cut into her well planned out 'post breakup with John Carter' life.

" Don't flatter yourself Abby." She murmured, just loud enough to clearly hear herself, and quiet enough so she wasn't suspected of talking to herself, though through years of her marriage with Richard she developed a habit, more than one.

Just like she promised herself never to have more than one glass of wine at dinner, she promised herself she wouldn't be manipulated anymore, except it was easier to give up alcohol than romance; though both made her crazy…

It was a little too cold for an early September evening, and Luka sat on the floor, leaning against his couch, wearing sweat pants and a robe, nursing his second beer.

He also happened to be looking at a post card with a picture of the beautiful Golden Gate Bridge, he couldn't bare to turn the post card around, knowing there was definitely some sort of message on the back.

He knew instinctively who had sent the post card, he might've been going crazy but he swore he smelled her perfume on it, her special scent, the one he woke up to many times, his nose buried in her hair, his mouth on her neck, his hands roaming…

Closing his eyes Luka tried to envision those happy moments, but as he continued to caress the body besides him, he didn't realize he'd been already fantasizing about a different woman, one he couldn't get out of his mind.

Abby.

He opened his eyes immediately and took a long sip from his beer, to sober himself up, and closed his eyes again, leaning his head on the cushion, and yet he kept seeing Abby's face.

Beautiful brown eyes, brown tendrils framing her face, and a body to match, it was all too much to swallow, and Luka wondered if he was on the rebound, it was so difficult to tell apart his emotions anymore.

He was always the one who escaped life by finding comfort in all the wrong women, no wonder he earned the reputation of the ER bed hopper. Some people found comfort in alcohol and drugs, and he found comfort in the opposite sex, it was all good unless he was going to hurt someone, especially Abby. She didn't deserve that, she had enough disappointment in male figures in her life, he wouldn't add to it.

Leaving the post card on the table, Luka stared at the phone for a minute, and then walked back into his bedroom, thinking that he needed a nap, and then a cold shower…

Carter ended up taking Abby to nice restaurant, and one that had an all too familiar name.

The Mozart Restaurant had been the stable of their relationship, they'd come here on their first date and their last, over endless bottles of Chablis and breadsticks they'd bared their souls to each other.

Abby had thought this was the most romantic setting in Chicago, having been proclaimed so by the media, but now she saw it as a distant memory, with almost a bitter undertone.

" Way to reopen old wounds Carter." She thought to herself but dare not say anything out loud, it would be beyond rude and actually kind of selfish, didn't she want them to be friends?

" No!" her heart screamed, " You're going to get hurt whichever way you get involved with Carter."

But her mind ignored her heart's desire to flee, and followed John into the restaurant. It was beautiful inside, homey but with a touch of elegance. Laced wicker seats substituted for conventional chairs, and maroon tablecloth matched well with the dimness of the place.

It was indeed the perfect setting for a first, second, or any date, and around her Abby suddenly noticed everyone paired up. Was Carter trying to hint on something? God she wished she could read minds, and though life wouldn't be half as interesting, it wouldn't be half as painful.

" Your usual table Mr. Carter?" Abby heard the hostess say with a flirtatious but subtle smile.

" Yes." John nodded thankfully, and they were escorted to the backroom of the restaurant, a table in the corner that overlooked the garden. It was beautiful: lit with garland lights interwoven into three branches and lining the fencing.

" Your waiter will be right with you." The tall blonde smiled and walked off.

Carter rolled his eyes, " Can she be anymore obvious?"

Abby let out a rueful chuckle, " You enjoyed it." She smiled.

" Yes, well it certainly is an ego boost to have female attention." Carter boasted good-naturedly.

" Oh, speaking of female attention." Abby spoke slowly, dragging out the conversation, she could already tell she'd need a lot of patience to sit through this dinner, " How is Kem doing, has she sent any letters?"

John frowned instantly, but the grimace was replaced by a small smile that, Abby was sure, would be short lived, " No letters, but I'm sure she's doing fine, I noticed that whenever someone writes letters it's because they're either homesick or they miss someone, obviously she carries neither of those emotions."

Nothing about his tone suggested he was bitter about admitting this, but Abby knew better. It was when John used simple rhetoric that shit really hit the fan. She realized once again that alike her, John had been through a great ordeal in the last six months; though it was his fault she was in such an emotional bind, he couldn't blame anyone but himself, and that was sometimes worse than finding a scapegoat.

" John, don't be like that." She said lamely, blurting it out without thinking.

" Be like what Abby? Should I not come to terms with the fact that since I broke up with you I impregnated a woman, using her for rebound and then getting helluva lot bad karma when our baby was born without a fucking heartbeat. Because of me, an innocent child died, and I refuse to wallow in self pity trying to convince myself it wasn't my fault with the help of a fucking shrink."

John let out a breath, and sighed, staring at the breadsticks perfectly organized in the middle of the square table. There were 8 of them, forming a sort of circle, in a glass goblet.

Abby also found it interesting, but not at the moment, " Hey, John, that's in no way fair okay? I never knew how you felt, are you implying that I should've fought for you? You were half way across the world."

John seemed surprised at her outburst, and Abby herself didn't fully realize what she'd said until her words reflected in Carter's expression.

" I'm not implying anything Abby, all I know is that what I wrote in the letter was true, still is true, I think we're better off friends."

Abby let out a bitter laugh, " You truly are oblivious."

John raised an eyebrow slightly, his actions taken into question wasn't something that happened everyday, " Why?"

Abby leaned in, her brown eyes conveying cooped up anger, " Getting over you was the hardest thing I ever had to. I thought I was in love, hell I even thought you were my soul mate, but what really attracted me to you was the fact that I couldn't have you. Why would you want a drop out med student-…"

" You've passed your boards Abby-…"

" John shut up and listen. I was in it for the chase, and when I realized you were finally mine there was no more excitement, you inadvertently treated me like shit, and I won't stand to be sucked back into that routine, so save the apologies and ass kissing, I don't need you in my life as a supporter, because that just wouldn't be fair to either of us."

She proceeded to take a sip of water, to cool herself down, inside she was itching to scream and yell and punch John into senselessness, or at least so he could understand how much frustration and anger was bottling up inside her since that bitter letter he'd sent her.

" I'm sorry Abby." John hung his head, drumming his fingers softly on the table, making a hollow sound that reverberated around them.

" I'm not John, and you know why?" Abby bit her lip, wondering if she was being heartless.

" Why?" John asked solemnly.

" Because then I wouldn't realize my true feelings for someone else." She said quietly, never having the courage to look up because she knew he'd guess immediately who it would be.

" Luka."

Apparently she underestimated her ex boyfriend.

Studying her fingers suddenly, she felt claustrophobic, being put on the spot, " It happened when he came back from Congo with malaria, even before I read your letter I had this feeling lurking somewhere inside, that told me perhaps I was being mislead by temptation. It's like with any other relationship in my life before Luka, I could easily say why I broke it off, but with him it wasn't that simple and it made me think and I-…"

" And you realized you still had feelings for him." John concluded and Abby nodded, wishing this conversation would play out differently. Truth was she really did want to be his friend, and it was about time she told him that.

Reaching across the table, she wrapped her hand around his wrist and said, " I want us to be friends John, I want to so badly, but you've got to give me time, three months just isn't enough time to move past certain habits in my life."

" I was a habit?" John asked, dumbfounded.

" No, cigarettes are a habit, waking up next to you in the morning was a privilege." Sort of, but John didn't need to know that, once again she was lying to him, and god, would she ever be honest with any man in her life?

No. Big Fat Surprise.

" Then let me give you some advice as a soon to be friend." John suggested, yet he wiggled out of her grasp, " Some things I've seen in Congo could destroy a man, and that is something you have to keep in mind when you tell Luka the truth-…"

" What makes you so sure I'd tell him, or that he'd even listen. I dumped him remember? And Sam and him seemed to have a nice relationship."

" Sam split."

" She'll be back."

" That's why you gotta bite the bullet now, until it's too late…"

" May-…" Abby stuttered, twisting the ring on her finger, " Maybe I don't want to tell him the truth, maybe he's better off, and what if he doesn't want to give me a second chance?"

" Abby shut up." John declared, tired of her babbling.

" Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow.

" Shut up, get out and go see him, you can't keep living on what ifs, and knowing Luka maybe it wont be so difficult for you two to admit to the truth."

" Which is?" Abby quizzed.

" That's for you to know and for me to not." John shrugged, and stopped the passing waiter with his hand, asking to call Abby a cab.

" Guess I have no choice." She mumbled.

" You'll thank me later." John smiled, and she couldn't help but return it…

All the promises we break

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you 

TBC… 


	4. Part 3: Mr and Mrs Santa Claus

Laced

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, 'gray blue eyes' by Dave Matthews Band.

Rating: R for precautions, but will be later on.

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale.

Pairing: Luka/Abby, Carter/Abby friendship.

Summary: Part 3: Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus. Abby battles over her decision to do the right thing, and Luka gets a surprise visit…almost.

Part 3: Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus.

He couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he'd see horrifying images of Sam and Alex being mugged, or killed in some dark alley with no one to call for help.

Luka knew it was foolish to be worried about their safety, Sam could always take care of herself, not to mention her son, she'd go through heaven and earth to help him anyway she could, and the funny thing was that he'd go through heaven and earth to help them.

It was no joke that he'd considered the Taggerts his family, and somehow he just thought that one day he'd open his eyes and Alex would run into his room, and yell at him and Sam for not waking up in time to drive him to school. It was horrible how one minute you had everything you ever needed and the next you were alone, insomnia plaguing you and a post card was your worst enemy.

Luka rolled half way across the bed, burying his head in the pillow next to him, this was a pillow that anyone besides him slept on, the last one was Sam, he hadn't been with anyone since, and it ate away at him: how loyal he could be to a woman who left him, ran away, took a break, call it whatever you want. Luka preferred to think that she'd abandoned him, and possibly the happiest months of his life diminished.

Maybe he could drink himself to death, not show up for work, get fired, be forced to move back home, and live in blissful ignorance of how he'd screwed up his life. Those thoughts of refuge kept coming in and out his head.

On good nights he imagined that Sam and Alex had settled down somewhere in a busy city, maybe New York, maybe Seattle, and Alex was quickly making friends in school, joined the baseball team, while Sam got a job in another ER, saving other people's lives.

But on bad nights like this, he couldn't stop thinking about the dangers of the world around him, and how he could've let Sam and Alex disappear like that; he should've done something, called the police? No, they wouldn't have any jurisdiction, and Sam would leave while hating him for interfering. But he did interfere, and she didn't do much except start the car and leave.

On bad nights, he wanted to open his liquor cabinet and never close it, he wanted to disappear, and usually when he was drunk he'd leave the house and start walking in the direction of where he'd last seen Sam drive off, and then end up back home with the most horrible hangover.

He had to stop playing this game, it was killing him, and Luka knew that, except nothing seemed to push him to straighten up, as if he'd lost all confidence in himself, he didn't even get outside help. He was just so fucking good at hiding his emotions…

Abby leaned back into the vinyl seating in the cab after having giving the driver directions to Luka's place. She took a deep breath and wondered how she'd let Carter persuade her to do this.

It was crazy how quickly things turned around, a few weeks ago she was mourning her relationship with Carter, trying to keep her brother in his new program and balancing work all at the same time, while trying to avoid the soothing call of liquor. Now she was on her way to bare her soul to someone who left her bed two years ago, but never left her heart.

" I am so stupid." She said out loud, frustrated and not at all embarrassed by her outburst.

" Anything the matter?" The elderly cab driver asked politely, while making a right turn off the intersection.

Four more blocks and she would have to face what could potentially be the heartbreak of her life.

" Nothing's the matter, everything is fucking peachy." Abby murmured, unaware that her new friend wasn't buying it.

" You still want to go to 6th and Heart?" He asked carefully.

" Yes, I'm just not sure it's a good idea." Abby said bewildered as to why she was telling this to a perfect stranger.

That's when you knew you were mentally in trouble, when you had absolutely no one except a cab driver to confine in.

Except she did anyway, " Hey, can I smoke in here?" The urge for nicotine escalated from the time of her last cigarette.

" No, but I can make an exception for a beautiful lady." The cab driver, who bared an uncanny resemblance to Santa Claus, smiled into the rear view mirror, and extended a Zippo lighter to Abby, who was rummaging her purse for matches.

" Thanks." She accepted, and lit up a Capri, " You're a smoker?" The lighter was returned.

" Yes, old habits die hard." He winked into the rear view mirror, and it made Abby smile.

" Some habits can kill you." She proclaimed bitterly, as she rolled the window down.

" Well, life's too short, so you might as well indulge." The man suggested, and Abby frowned, suddenly realizing he didn't just mean the cigarettes.

Fueled with anticipation and desire, Abby took a long pull from the cigarette, " Well here we are." The driver chimed, and Abby grimaced.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. " And maybe you're a coward." She chided herself, but despite the fact that she had been ready to do this a few minutes before, something stopped her now.

" I can wait outside for you." Her acquaintance suggested, when she was half way out the door, but she shook her head, and took a quick moment to look at the second story of the old Victorian styled brick apartment building.

His curtains were drawn in the bedroom, and the living room was pitch black. Maybe he was asleep, she shouldn't wake him, it would be futile to carry on a conversation with a cranky Luka she knew that much from experience.

" You know, on second thought." Abby poked her head back into the cab.

" Another destination?"

" Yeah." Abby said, and gave him directions to her place, " I'm going home because I'm a fucking coward."

She hadn't realized she'd said it out loud until the soulful jazz tunes of B.B. King poured into the car.

She sent the driver a strange look and he smiled, " When my first wife cheated on me this guy helped me skip the bottle."

And Abby frowned even more, how could a relationship survive in this world if even Mr. & Mrs. Santa Claus couldn't make it work…

It was rounding 9 pm when Luka woke up, and got out of bed. Gleaming streetlights poured into his room and he squinted under the light. Trying to rub the cobwebs of sleep from his eyes, Luka realized that any sort of light wasn't going to remedy the beginning of a strenuous migraine.

He shut the curtains, and navigated his way through the dark apartment purely based on familiarity. These thoughts made him wonder if he should try and take a few weeks off to finally go visit his family, after all nothing could heal a broken heart like being surrounded by those who love you, and who stayed to care for you.

Luka ended up in his kitchen, where he went to get something to cure his throat from scratchiness. He chose a Budweiser with strong suspicion that by tomorrow morning he'd have to call in sick, because of a massive hangover.

He opened up the bottle, put it to his lips and took a drink before heading into the living room, in time to hear a car pull up on the curb by his building. It was most definitely not for him, but curiosity got the best of him, and having nothing better to do he walked to the window and pushed away one curtain.

What he saw made his heart skip a beat; it couldn't possibly be Abby who just stepped out of the cab, a long slender cigarette in her right hand, her thumb flicking of the ashes. When Luka's eyes adjusted to the streetlights he could almost identify his ex lover, and the expression on her face.

She looked pensive and unsure; her hand seemed to shake as she took small puffs of the cigarette. Did she have friends in this neighborhood? No, and all speculation was pushed aside when she sent a longing gaze his way, and then sighed and got into the cab.

Luka didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until the cab sped away into the direction it came from. She hadn't seen him otherwise she would've come inside right? Did she need something? Oh god, he was going mad, maybe it wasn't even her, but Luka couldn't deny that his eyes never betrayed him, and there was no point arguing with what he knew was true inside his heart.

Abby had come to see him, but didn't really make the attempt, she was always within arm's reach but so difficult to get…

I feel for the light

Your glory was lost that night

And no mind can't get me right

And now I'm praying that you'll find me out

TBC…


	5. Part 4: First To Know

Laced

Disclaimer: don't own anything except the OFC appearing in this chapter.

Rating: R

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale

Pairing: Luka/Abby

Summary: Part 4: First To Know: After witnessing a conversation between two coworkers, Luka is further convinced he needs to talk to Abby, while she makes a surprise appearance in the ER, just not as a doctor.

A/N: Slightly longer chapter, features the song 'green eyes' by Coldplay.

Part 4: First To Know

" What do you mean you couldn't do it?" Carter asked Abby the next morning in a somewhat condescending tone.

She took a deep breath and messaged her forehead; very much in disbelief that John was upset about her actions, didn't it work in his favor that she hadn't reconciled romantically with Luka? Or did he really want to get her off his hands?

" You know what, are you that eager to get me off your back, that you keep pushing me into Luka's arms?" She questioned his credibility, but also taking the spotlight off of herself, had they not been interrupted she probably would've gotten an ear full, but she tried to believe it wouldn't be self-righteous bullshit.

" What about my arms?" Dr. Kovac chose that moment to dive into the conversation, Abby shot Carter an embarrassed look, and shielded her eyes away from Luka, who's initial intent was to grab a few minutes of Abby's time on his break, but hearing the tail of dialogue between Carter and her sparked his curiosity.

" Nothing, they're just long." Abby came up with a lame excuse to safe face, since Carter obviously wasn't going to.

A mischievous smile spread across Luka's face upon hearing what he knew was a flat out lie. He knew enough to know that whenever Abby lied she wouldn't look him in the face, as she was doing right now.

" Listen I've got patients to see, I don't want to screw up being a doctor in my third month, so excuse me." She mumbled, just to make an exit, and left the two men alone.

When Abby was out of earshot, Luka looked aggravated, " I know she came to see me last night, she just didn't quite make it through the threshold, so be a dear Carter and tell me what the fuck is going on?"

John stifled a surprised laugh; he noted that Luka's voice grew heavy with his accent when he was angry and especially when he was cursing.

" All I gotta say is talk to her man." John pushed the chart in his hand against Luka's torso and turned around, yelling over his shoulder that he just signed off.

Luka sighed and looked at the chart in his hands, just as Dr. Chen informed him that a multiple car accident produced six new patients.

He needed to talk to Abby…

Nursing her third cup of coffee Abby fought off the nausea she was experiencing ever since that morning. She thought it might've been something she ate, but obviously the conversation with John and Luka had taken a toll not only on her mental state but her physical as well.

She was caught up in her thoughts, standing in the ambulance bay, fighting off the urge to smoke, and waiting very nervously for her salvation to come, well sort of.

Her salvation arrived in a form of a short blue-eyed brunette named Lara. She was an investment banker, putting in more hours than Abby had in her residency and looking as lovely as ever.

" I don't know if it's possible to look as primped up and perfect while having barely four hours of sleep every night, how do you do it Ms. Brecker?" Abby asked, trying to put on her Teflon façade, not to worry her best friend of 20 years just yet.

Lara entered Abby's life at a destructive period. Abby had just arrived to Chicago with Maggie and a 10 year old Eric in tow, which built tension within the family. Just entering adolescence the quiet Abby met the spunky Lara and they instantly hit it off, helping each other survive the last two decades, and never losing touch.

And if Abby thought Lara was going to buy her cheery attitude she was either dead wrong, or plain stupid, as Lara had concluded.

" Quit with the bullshit, I have a meeting with a very important client in 20 minutes, so you have 15 and a half minutes to tell me why the hell your shaking and why are you showering me with vapid compliments?"

Yup, that was Lara, all no nonsense and time is money, at least one of them had a clear, cut throat view on life and where they were going. Abby, on the other hand, had no fucking idea, that's why she'd enlisted the help of the most rational person she ever met.

Another reason why she'd called Lara on her extended lunch break, which by the way she took guiltily, leaving Corday, Weaver, Luka, and Susan in charge of six new patients, two of which flat lined twice, was because she'd met Luka countless times, and would probably know how to approach the situation best, being happily married and all.

" Hey, I happen to have my responsibilities too." Abby announced, as Lara took a sip of her friend's coffee and rolled her eyes,

" Are you trying to say this is so important that you took time out of your day to call upon the help of little ole me?" Lara smirked, not believing a word anyway, as Abby shrugged, " All I'm saying is 'help, I think I'm going crazy'."

Lara's smirk immediately softened and she brushed a strand of loose hair from Abby's face, caressing her cheek,

" Oh sweetie, appearance wise being a doctor agrees with you, but if you're struggling maybe you should take a few sick days, god knows you've earned it." Lara mistook Abby's confession for the obvious, and Abby smiled, sometimes Lara's downfall was the habit of always taking things at face value.

" No Lara, you don't understand, ever since John and I broke up, I've had this burden and I couldn't figure out what the hell it was. I mean I'd taken care of nearly everything: Maggie, Eric, even myself, but it was still there. At first I thought I was mending my broken heart, still reeling from John's good-bye, but it turns out it was a different relationship I still hadn't gotten over." Abby bit her lip, and took a sip of coffee, trying to read her best friend's expression and wondering if she'd have to elaborate more.

It didn't take Lara long to realize who the cryptic confession pointed to.

" Ohhh, Dr. Kovac again, you know if I wasn't happily married, I'd take him off your hands." Lara smiled, but Abby knew she'd said it in all seriousness, except not.

She knew since day one she was involved with Luka that he'd earned the reputation of promiscuity personified around the ER, but outside, everywhere he went women swooned around him. Be it his killer smile, or the angst filled eyes that lured women, but Abby couldn't remember a time Luka was alone.

Except for the past four months, which was what worried her the most, maybe he hadn't had time to mend 'his' broken heart, so she shouldn't force him into helping fix hers, on the other hand she wouldn't be forcing herself on anyone…would she?

" Hello, earth to Dr. Lockhart, did you hear me?" Lara snapped her fingers in front of her best friend's pensive expression, " What's bothering you particularly sweetheart?" Lara asked quietly, taking Abby's hand, and rubbing it between her palms.

Abby sighed and sank down against the wall, not caring that she'd stained the back of her white coat, " I don't know what to do, and I can't stop thinking about him. Ever since Samantha and him broke up it's as if I finally have a chance and I'm scared to take it because something could finally happen. And how do I even know he feels the same, I've never seen him without a woman for more than a month, which was after our break up." Abby paused to take a breath.

" He's been alone for four months now, she broke his heart obviously, and who am I to spring my troubles and needs onto him? Lord knows he doesn't deserve it; he's survived a life threatening disease while trying to help people, I am not dumping this all on him."

Abby sighed, very happy to bear her soul to someone, especially Lara, until her best friend opened her mouth.

" I hope you don't believe your own bullshit?" Lara asked, and when Abby looked up, chocolate eyes glistening with unshed tears, Lara felt like shit herself, " Look I'm sorry but you've already chosen the most selfless career permitted by American labor laws, so why don't you balance out your entire life and do something selfish for once?"

" Because Luka was the only one who was there for me when I was going through hell with Maggie, granted Carter was as well, but then Eric ruined Gamma's funeral and it was just too much to take. I know it was insulting and I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I was in John's shoes, but Luka, he's different, and I blew my chance with him, why should he give me another one, when he's so miserable? So I can break his heart again?"

Abby asked with conviction, running her fingers through her hair, still close to hyperventilating, so close in fact that she dropped her coffee on the pavement, but the plastic cup didn't break.

" Oh baby, look what it's doing to you." Lara pulled in the younger woman into a bear hug as she squatted beside her, " Abby look at me." Lara propped her friend's chin on her finger, and said, " Have you ever thought that maybe the reason why Luka hasn't had anyone besides him for this long of a time is because the one he wants he thinks doesn't feel the same?"

Abby looked up, and refused to cry, she wasn't a crier, tears weren't for people like her, people like her didn't deserve to drown in self pity, or expect people like Lara to pick up the pieces. Those were the last thoughts that ran through Abby's head, as light closed in on her, and Lara's soothing words became lost in the distance, her face virtually disappeared and before Dr. Lockhart knew what was happening, she was wheeled into her own ER unconscious…

Luka was caught up in a conversation with a patient who had lacerations on his fingers after sticking his hand in the sink to fix the garbage disposal, and accidentally turning it on. Luka wasn't even going to ask, as he ordered Neela to take an x-ray of the hand, and then he would examine it.

Just as he'd parted with the patient, studying the chart of his next patient, Lara Brecker ran in, in a screaming frenzy, the first familiar face she saw turned out to be his,

" Luka, it's Abby, she passed out in the ambulance peninsula, bay or whatever you call it."

All color drained from Luka's face. Abby, passed out? He couldn't comprehend it, but his job had to taught him to act first, ask questions later, and his instincts told him if he didn't act soon, the ambiguous situation would turn to worse.

He literarily sprinted across the lounge to Lara, ordering Jerry rather loudly to get a gurney immediately, the blonde man complied and disappeared, returning ten seconds later with prepped up gurney.

Once they were outside, Luka dodged Jerry's hand in helping place Abby on the gurney, she looked like she'd been asleep for ages, which to Luka suggested either insomnia or exhaustion had plagued her, he felt strangely protective and overwhelmed by the swarm of attention that called to him as Jerry, Lara and him rushed the Abby into a trauma room.

In a span of fifteen seconds they were joined by Dr. Lewis, and Pratt, who sent questioning stares toward Lara's direction, knowing very well she'd been the last one to see Dr. Lockhart conscious.

And the investment broker felt really lost being unable to answer any questions they had, and man were the questions pouring in. Was she breathing normally? How long had it been since she had her last cigarette? Did she act strange? Did she look exhausted?

Lara was caught between loyalty for her friend and Abby's health. If she said she'd been acting strange and was hyperventilating they'd want to know what the conversation was about, and if Abby had suffered any form of physical exhaustion lately.

Lara didn't answer anyone's questions she was left in the waiting room as Luka and Pratt worked on getting Abby stabilized. She sat down in one of the stiff chairs, as Susan asked her if she'd like something to drink or perhaps somewhere to lie down.

" Do I look that awful Suze?" Lara asked shakily, having been acquainted with Susan as well since Abby began her residency at ER.

" No, of course not, just a little pale." The blond doctor had a hard time bending the truth, as her friend sat motionless except for the movement of her blinking and the nervous habit she had of twisting her wedding band.

" Oh god, I totally forgot I need to cancel my appointment with a client." She exclaimed, flipping on her cell phone and zoning out Susan completely, not at her own fault, but as a defense mechanism.

Susan expelled a breath of exhaustion and excused her self, walking back into trauma 1.

Things had been hectic here not a half hour before when a multiple car crash produced six patients, all now safely either bandaged up and sleeping or drugged and escorted to the OR, for further operation. Now finally as things settled down, havoc wreaked into the door of ER once again, this time in a form of an unconscious doctor.

Abby was in good hands, Susan observed as she watched Luka listen to her heartbeat, and Pratt setting up an IV leading to Abby's arm. Everything would be fine, Susan told herself, and even produced a thin smile when Luka looked up at her, except in his eyes she saw only fear and desperation. Susan's smile collapsed.

Before she could make a move, Luka's voice stopped her, " Her heartbeat is no longer erratic, and her breathing is stabilized, we'd need to run some more tests, but she should be fine." He stole a guilty moment to step into old shoes, a flashback to when he'd cared for her bruises after Brian's attack, and brushed a stray tendril of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear with such love and care that Susan became fairly suspicious but also moved.

But the turbulent anxiety never left his haunted gaze, as Pratt excused himself, Susan said in a quiet voice, " Everything is going to be fine, you said it yourself, now go talk to Lara, she's freaking out, I'm going to find Abby a room upstairs." Susan gave his hand a gentle squeeze and walked out.

Luka took a second to study Abby's features as if seeing her for the last time. She was so peaceful in her sleep, even if now it was drug induced. Her eyelashes fluttered, and her ruby red lips were mottled with pale spots but it didn't matter, if only he could place on kiss on them, just one, and no more sleepless nights remembering how good it felt to kiss her and hold her would follow.

" I promise you'll be better sweetheart." He said more so to assure himself than her, and then settled for kissing her warm forehead, maybe she was getting a fever, or maybe it was over exhaustion, who knew, but as soon as the tests came in, Luka would be the first to know…

I came here with a load

And it feels so much lighter now I met you

And honey you should know

That I could never go on without you

TBC…


	6. Part 5: Doctor's Orders

Laced

Disclaimer: don't own anything except the OFC appearing in this chapter.

Rating: R

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale

Pairing: Luka/Abby

Summary: Luka discusses Abby's condition with Lara and her husband.

A/N: Something came to my attention with the help of a good reviewer. It seems that I sort of toyed with the show's portrayal of Luka's past, when I had said he hadn't been single since Abby had known him, so I'm going to say this is semi AU story, just to be safe. Also I'm not a doctor but will try my best to be accurate in Abby's diagnosis.

Part 5: Doctor's Orders

"Honey, I came in as soon as I heard, are you alright?" A tall blond man hurriedly sat down besides Lara.

"I'm fine Phin, I'm not the one with the IV attached to my arm, and unconscious." The curly haired woman said in a tone that suggested she wasn't the one who needed the comfort.

"How is she?" Phin asked softly, running his hand up and down his wife's back. However his attention was all on Luka who had been in the middle of explaining what happened to Abby.

When he'd gotten the call from Lara, telling him that Abby passed out and was now under examination, Phin had been sick with worry. Abby was like his little sister, part of the family. He'd canceled all his appointments for the day and rushed to the ER.

Luka studied the couple, and smiled in spite of everything. He noticed the little things, like the closeness between them, their body language, the way their eyes communicated everything they had to say. He remembered feeling that once, with his beloved wife, and never experiencing that again until Abby entered his life.

At that point Luka didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse, to be reminded of that passion and then being unable to have it, because he'd thought she wanted John. Well, it sort of worked out in the end. He'd had his precious time, but after everything they'd been through, she crawled back to John. Thinking this Luka wondered if he should subject himself to that pain again.

The pain he experienced when he realized that Abby and John were finally together, and even if they were apart right now, who knew what destiny had in store for them, perhaps he should just back out.

Except he also didn't know what destiny had in store for him, so backing out was quickly erased from his mind. He'd been the one to watch over her today, and he hoped that meant something.

"Luka, you're spacing out." Lara informed him rather loudly, and he awoke from his daydream.

"Uh, yes, where was I?" He asked, and for good measure studied Abby's chart, the one he was holding.

"You were saying something about anemia?" Lara refreshed his memory, and Phin leaned in closer to listen, worry etched on his face.

"Yes." Luka looked over the chart again, though he'd already memorized it, " I don't know what you and her were discussing but her blood pressure was very high, for which she received medication, and her iron count was low. I prescribed vitamins to correct the imbalance and my guess is the reason she collapsed was more mental than physical." 

"What do you mean?" Lara asked, a trace of undeniable guilt in her voice, and suddenly she was even more thankful for Phin's presence, she'd need all the comfort and strength she could get if she would get through lying here. Again it was a situation where she had to choose between preserving Abby's confidentiality and her health. 

"I think Abby suffered a mental breakdown, which with the help of her recent low nicotine intake and malnutrition, has caused her body to succumb to exhaustion. I think a few days off and balanced diet will help get her back on her feet." Luka explained, and relief washed over both Lara and Phin. 

Except Lara still couldn't believe her friend was torturing herself so much. It was blatantly obvious now that for weeks Abby had been overworked, and neglected, and Lara would not stand for it. 

"I knew this promotion was no good! She was complaining about headaches constantly, and the fact that she wanted to show her superiors that they'd made the right decision to appoint her as a doctor here. I just sensed that she needed a breather, it just never occurred to me that it was this serious!" Lara exclaimed, and Phin pulled her into a bear hug. 

Kissing her forehead, he assured her that this was in no way her fault and she shouldn't feel guilty. But the guilt was already there, imbedded in her being and never planning on leaving. 

"Lara, Phin is right, you can't blame yourself for any of this. Perhaps even Abby didn't see this coming. Besides like I said, a few days of rest and she'll be good as new." Luka comforted, trying very hard to believe his own words. 

"Meanwhile, Dr. Lewis and I are going to set up a room for Abby upstairs, when she wakes up you'll be first person I call." Luka managed a half smile, trying to shed some light on the somber circumstance. 

Phin nodded an appreciative thank you over the top of his wife's curly head, as she leaned into his shoulder. Luka felt like he was intruding on a private moment, but Lara remained slightly paranoid. 

"But what if you're off duty when she wakes up?" She asked worried, her blue eyes illuminated with unshed tears. 

"Then I'll leave a note with Jerry, over there." Luka pointed at the secretary to clarify, " To notify you as soon as Abby wakes up." 

Seeing that he covered every single base, Luka stood up and wiped his sweaty palms against his pants before shaking hands with Phin and assuring Lara that everything would be fine. 

"We still have a few tests to run until we come up with a definite conclusion, but I promise you'll be the first person I call. By the way don't expect anything to happen tonight, we put a sleeping pill into her IV, and she may only wake up tomorrow morning." 

"Why would you do that? She was already knocked out!" Lara exclaimed, her entire body twitched with worry. 

"Honey, calm down we don't need another mental breakdown, do we?" Phin intercepted before Luka could answer. 

He did eventually though, "We did it because she needs to regain strength, and she isn't able to do that on her own. A sleeping pill is what the doctor prescribed, no pun intended." Luka smiled, even though inside he couldn't wait to go upstairs and see her, making sure she was safe. 

The first smile the entire meeting met Lara's face, and Phin squeezed her shoulders lovingly, "Thank you Dr. Kovac, I think we'll be heading out now." He said with a hint of suggestion. 

"No, let me see her first." Lara said softly, "Please." Her blue eyes shined and Luka couldn't say no. 

"Give us a few minutes to settle her in and I'll have Jerry escort you up." Luka complied. 

Lara smiled again but it didn't reach her eyes, "Thank you Luka." 

"Now you know I don't mind, Abby is a good friend." Then he nodded a goodbye and walked off. 

Lara remained deep in thought, finally realizing that Abby had been wrong all along, the way he said 'good friend' made her almost positive that Luka returned Abby's feelings all the way… 

TBC… 


	7. Part 6: Perfect Moment

Laced 

Disclaimer: don't own anything, 'who makes you feel' by Dido. 

Rating: PG-13 

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale 

Pairing: Luka/Abby 

Summary: Luka is plagued with insomnia, while Abby can't remember what happened. In the morning she gets quiet a few visitors and Luka gets a phone call. 

Part 6: Perfect Moment 

Luka couldn't sleep that night. He'd thought about crashing in one of the rooms at the hospital, just so he'd be closer if Abby somehow woke up during the night. However, Kerry and Susan ganged up on him and told him if he didn't go home he wouldn't be able to function normally tomorrow morning, when Abby would most likely wake up. 

It made perfect sense but he couldn't shake off the guilty feeling as he changed out of scrubs and put on his jacket. "Just go home, she wont wake up till tomorrow morning anyway." Susan was telling him as he was heading home. 

So now he was here, at 3 o'clock in the morning, and unable to close his eyes without seeing Abby's lifeless body sprawled against the hospital wall, as he'd found her after Lara ran into the ER. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to spend the night away from the hospital but he could do little now, as much as he couldn't fall asleep his body had retired for the night. 

It'd been a long day even before Abby. He saved a little boy's life and that always made him feel like he was doing something right, but there was a nagging in the back of his head that pushed him through the night sleepless. 

What had Abby needed to talk to Lara about so desperately that she had to call her and ask her to come down to the hospital? It was obvious the only person who could answer his questions was knocked out by sleeping pills. Luka had seen how torn Lara looked that afternoon. 

Choosing how much information to divulge not to implicate her best friend, but also to keep her health in mind. That's why Luka hadn't pushed her so hard, eventually Abby would wake up and she'd give Luka her own verdict of the situation, perhaps she really did have anemia, or perhaps her being overworked and all took a toll on her. 

All these questions suddenly became the cure for his insomnia, and with his face frozen in a despairing expression Luka finally succumbed to sleep… 

First thing she saw was darkness. First thing she heard was the IV dripping and the fluid making its way into her vein via a long tube she'd seen countless time, but this time it frightened her because it was attached to her body. 

" Oh god." She rubbed the back of her head, as she struggled to sit up, but the drug induced sleep numbed her body completely, and she couldn't push herself up into a sitting position. Stubborn to the core she tried to push herself up, but failed miserably, and if possible became even more tired after the minimal energy she had, had been spent a few minutes before. 

Abby collapsed back into the bed, and looked at the ceiling. What time was it? The hospital seemed dead, but this part of it usually was, since this was the convalescence wing, where patients stayed for the last few days of their visit to County. 

She was thirsty, her mouth felt dry and her throat was scratchy, and to top it all of she couldn't remember anything since her conversation with Lara. Had she fainted? What happened? Was she in an accident? No, that wasn't possible, all her limbs were attached and she didn't feel in any sort of pain, except the numbing kind that told her she'd been given a sleeping pill. 

Lack of memory was driving her crazy, and her mind was in overdrive, brainstorming on possible reasons why she was in this compromising position. Then suddenly as the IV annoyingly dropped more fluid into her system, she'd remembered something. 

Every patient's medical chart was in a pocket in front of the bed, and if she could just sit up, she'd be able to reach it. Taking a deep but quiet breath, in case someone was nearby, she sat up finally and felt her hand around the foot of the bed. 

Her toes were tingling with prickly sensations and Abby realized that if she didn't remove her IV soon, she'd be back asleep, and wake up even groggier the next morning. Before she retrieved her chart she carefully pulled the bandaged needle out of her inner elbow then used the inside of her sheet to semi cleanse the open laceration. 

It didn't hurt, but Abby felt pseudo relief as the last of the medicine passed through her system. Of course by the time it traveled through her entire body she'd be half way to dream world. It didn't matter however, reaching over to flip on the night lamp, Abby wasn't expecting that source of light to have such a negative affect on her. 

Her head began to throb, and her vision doubled. She couldn't focus on the writing of the chart; she could only make out words and phrases. 

'_Collapsed outside of ambulance bay_' 

_'Anemic' _

_'Low iron count' _

What the hell was going on? God she wished she wasn't alone, and that someone was near her to explain what had transpired in the last how many hours? She didn't even know what time it was! 

Sighing, Abby closed her eyes and leaned over, switching off the lamplight, she could see the first signs of life being produced outside, and realized it was almost sunrise, was that around 5 am? Yeah, she always woke up with the sun, now she was falling asleep to it, wishing very deeply and somewhat guiltily that Luka were here… 

There were just some deathly cold mornings on which even if you hopped into the shower and turned the heat on until the knob couldn't move anymore to the left, you still couldn't get warm. Your toes still tingled with iciness, and there was not a damn thing you could do about it. Now usually Luka prided himself on being able to stand the cold, but on a morning like this, he couldn't. 

Drinking way too many cups of coffee, he'd been up since 5 am, and since he was only on at 8:30, he decided to hop into the shower 30 minutes ago. It was 7 and as soon as the caffeine kicked in and drained his body of any warmth, his only motivation to get to work on time was Abby. For the entire two hours he was asleep he was plagued with nightmares, nightmares of what ifs, and what could've happened during the time he was asleep. 

Knowing his coworkers they would do all they could to help Abby before calling him, and that irritated him particularly today. Didn't they understand how important it was for him to know how she was? Didn't they understand that whatever was life threatening for her was life threatening to him too since that day she kissed him in the ambulance bay? 

Obviously they weren't stupid people, all well educated and respected, but sometimes Luka couldn't fathom what they were thinking, while doing certain things. In his moment of bitter cold and coffee overload Luka cursed about the American lifestyle, and then the phone rang. 

It was Susan, and she informed him that Abby woke up… 

Susan had taken the night shift, and it was nearing 7 in the morning. Dr. Chen as already dressed and ready to take over and Dr. Lewis only had one more errand to run. She decided not to change yet, and took the elevator up to the convalescence wing to check on Abby, something told her Dr. Lockhart was finally awake. 

Susan's suspicions were proven right when she entered Room 202 and saw Abby standing by the window and drinking something from a Styrofoam cup. 

"You should be in bed." Susan said softly, not to disturb her friend, who was looking out the window. 

"I couldn't sleep." Abby lied, and stared out into the pouring rain. Susan walked up to her and looked inside the cup. 

"Then coffee is the last thing you need." She quickly took the cup out of Abby's hands and walked over to the wastebasket. 

"I can't open my eyes without it." Abby gave Susan half a smile in spite of her dreary mood, something told her Dr. Lewis was tired and sleepy and just wanted to go home, but not before she answered some questions. 

" Susan, what happened to me?" Abby asked softly as the blonde doctor moved her back to the bed and decided to measure her blood pressure. 

After a few minutes of silence, Susan freed Abby's arm and told her everything was fine, and yet Abby still felt disoriented, confused, and most of all very, very small compared to the rest of the world. " Are you ever going to answer my question?" She asked tentatively, and Susan nodded as she checked Abby out further with a stethoscope. 

" Yes, well, around 2 pm Lara runs into the ER screaming that you passed out in the ambulance bay. We got you into a trauma room and your blood pressure was through the roof, we fixed that, then your tests came back and your iron count is low. Also you're only running on caffeine and now that you're trying to quit smoking, all of that combined with lack of nutrition caused you to faint." Susan said soothingly, trying to divulge the information slowly. 

" And I didn't wake up for how long?" Abby asked suspiciously, wondering if there was something Susan wasn't telling her. 

" We gave you a sleeping pill and Luka has this crazy idea that you might've suffered a mental breakdown." Susan explained and suddenly Abby couldn't help but smile, even though irony was washing over her like a tidal wave. 

" Not so crazy Dr. Lewis." She said, finding it incredibly ironic that the person she was stressed over had come to the best conclusion. Susan looked at her with slightly confused blue eyes, and Abby decided that Susan could keep a secret… 

Luka made it to the hospital in record time. Twenty minutes before his shift started, and he bypassed the locker room and the greetings from his coworkers. He only had one thing on his mind and that was to see Abby alive and well, hopefully smiling. 

He hated it when she was sad. He rode the elevator up to the convalescence wing, and then nearly sprinted down the hallway to her room. When he opened the door, his smile fell instantly. 

There sat Abby, on the edge of her bed, while Carter sat in a chair opposite her playing some sort of card game. Luka stifled a rueful chuckle, and walked into the room somewhat composed. 

"Good morning." He said in his best rendition of a cheerful tone. 

Abby turned around immediately, sensing that he was displeased just by the look he gave her, yet she didn't lead on that she knew this, turning back to her game she ducked her head. 

Her memory was coming back slowly since her conversation with Susan that morning. To say the least, Abby was very surprised when she realized that Susan wasn't really at all shocked that she still had feelings for Luka. And that on top of everything was probably the cause for her overnight hospital stay. 

Susan's blatant response was, "Tell him because I know he feels the same." 

She hadn't asked her colleague for evidence of why she felt that way, but Abby was pretty damn sure that it had something to do with him taking care of her while she was unconscious. The chart was signed by Dr. Kovac and that was enough proof for Abby to know that the mysterious dream she had of Luka kissing her forehead and promising everything to be alright was merely a memory disguised as a dream. 

Abby couldn't believe how quickly her thinking had changed; she had been so stupid to believe he felt no emotion toward her. She'd been the one to break things off and her low self-esteem prevented her from thinking that Luka might actually reciprocate her love. 

"Hey, you want to join us?" John asked politely, breaking the coagulating silence in the room. 

Neither Abby nor Luka said anything to him, their eyes stayed frozen on each other, a million things running through both their heads, unable to stop the wave of emotions that raced through their bodies. John felt like he was almost intruding on an intimate moment, but he couldn't make himself leave. 

Luka finally spoke, "You got checked out?" He asked softly, his attention mainly toward his patient, but his eyes darting back and forth between her and Carter. 

"Yes." Abby nodded with a small smile, brown hair flinging every which way, "By two of our very best." She added, and immediately Luka's eyes fell on Carter's stethoscope. 

"Susan came by." Carter informed, just to add his voice into the conversation. 

Luka thanked him silently, only a look exchanged between the two men, and John stood up. 

"Well I'll respect patient/doctor confidentiality and be on my way. I have a few more of my own patients to visit." He leaned down and cautiously placed a kiss on Abby's cheek, which obviously didn't go unnoticed by Luka or his well-masked jealousy. 

Why did Carter get to kiss her when she was awake, and he only allowed himself to do so when she was unconscious? Perhaps because they hadn't had any sort of physical contact since before he took off to Africa. 

This was his punishment for going there, and not acting on his initial instinct to screw the Doctors Without Borders program and stay with Abby in Chicago. Granted he wouldn't exactly be with her, but their friendship would surely develop. They wouldn't dance around each other like they were on fire. 

Taking a small gulp of whatever was in the Styrofoam cup, Abby watched as John and Luka exchanged silent goodbyes and Luka walked closer to the bed. So many questions, he thought, wondering if she was going to answer them. 

"Where's your uniform Dr. Kovac?" She asked with the slightest hint of flirtation. 

Luka looked down and realized he was still in his street clothes, and he couldn't help but smile. 

"Sorry, I got backtracked earlier today." He stretched the truth, hoping Abby hadn't seen the amount of enthusiasm that circled around him when he'd just walked in. 

"Weaver?" Abby remained oblivious, unless she was lying. 

"Yeah, somewhat, and unfinished paperwork." Obviously, he was lying. He couldn't very well tell her he'd been so consumed with the need to see her, he rushed upstairs without changing. Silence intensified as Abby collected the deck of cards John brought along with him. 

"Abby?" Luka looked at her through worried eyes, "What happened?" Abby refused to meet his glance, and instead crawled back under the covers, feeling exceptionally cold all of the sudden. She didn't know how much she could tell him, how much she should divulge. 

It all came down to this moment, and Abby wasn't sure she could handle the pressure without succumbing to stress again. 

"I haven't been myself lately." She began, but Luka interjected, "You're trying to quit smoking?" Abby nodded, brushing away a strand of hair, she still had to take breaks between thoughts, trying to sculpture the best rhetoric with which to break this news to her ex boyfriend. 

He remained attentive, despite the fact that inside Luka was itching to take her into his arms and never letting go, forsaking all other people and not caring about her explanation. Being with her was always enough. 

Yet he owed it to himself and his pride to know what caused her to end up in a hospital bed, and he needed to relieve his suspicion of the fact that it might've had something to do with him. 

When Abby looked up at him again, adrenaline rushed through her body. What was wrong with her? This was Luka, he would accept and love her no matter what, and even if only as a friend at least the burden of him not knowing would be lifted. 

Just as she opened her mouth to confess, a small beeping sound reverberated through the room. Luka sat motionless for a moment, lost in the silent exchange between them, until he realized he was being paged. 

"Fuck." He murmured, which elicited a chuckle from Abby, despite how serious their conversation was about to turn. 

"I don't think I've ever heard you curse." She admitted thoughtfully. 

"You never really listened." He said quietly, not intending for his words to have a double meaning, though they evidently did. 

Abby turned solemn again, and Luka chastised himself for making her smile disappear. "My shift starts in five minutes, I need to go, but I think Lara will be here soon, she told me to call her as soon as you wake up." He said. 

"Oh, knowing her she already called the hospital ten times." Abby scoffed, and looked a little bit away, trying to avoid his gaze. 

"Good, then you won't be alone." He said and stood up. Abby expected him to leave the room, but he stepped closer to the bed and squeezed her hand, "Feel better, I'll try to get you discharged as soon as possible, if you promise me we'll talk tonight." He compromised; realizing perhaps the only way he'd get anything out of her is by bargaining. 

"If I'm home tonight, why don't you stop by after your shift?" She suggested, not at all intimidated by his hovering figure, more so turned on by his dominance. 

"Will do." He managed a small smile, which Abby returned, fervently wishing he would kiss her already. She could feel her cheeks envelope in heat as his lips inched closer and closer to hers. 

It was the perfect moment, silent, and powerful, making her forget their jaded history together and everything in between. Luka kept eye contact the entire time, and couldn't wait to taste her lips again, but just as he was a centimeter away, the annoyed voice of Kerry Weaver cut through the serene atmosphere of the room. 

"Dr. Kovac, your shift starts in two minutes, be glad I came upstairs now, because for what you were about to do, you'd need more time than that." The petite woman smiled and turned away from the couple, walking out into the hallway. 

She'd shown mercy by giving them a minute of privacy but the perfect moment was gone and Abby longed for it to return. 

"I'll call Lara, she'll be delighted to keep you company." Luka teased and Abby rolled her eyes. 

"Go away Dr. Kovac, I'll be fine." She ushered him out of the room, and when she could no longer see or hear him, she reclined even further into the bed and thought, 

"Damn it Weaver!" 

Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel

Who loves you and knows you the way I do

Who touches you and holds you quite like I do

Who makes you feel like I make you feel? 

TBC… 


	8. Epilogue: The Golden Gates

Laced 

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, "Let's stay together" by Al Green. 

Rating: Pg-13 

Spoiler: Season 10 Finale 

Pairing: Luka/Abby 

Summary: Epilogue: The Golden Gates. Abby finally confesses her feelings to Luka, and later he gets closure. 

A/N: Thank you for all your kind reviews and everyone who read this. It was my first attempt at ER fan fiction but I couldn't resist. Hopefully I'll continue on with this and it'll only get better. 

Epilogue: The Golden Gates 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you!" Lara announced to Abby over homemade Mac & Cheese that night. They were sitting opposite each other on the couch in Abby's spacious living room; eating dinner, while Lara indulged herself in a glass of wine Abby was content with peppermint tea. 

Since that afternoon when Abby was discharged from the hospital, Lara had been her shadow. First they went grocery shopping but Lara didn't let Abby buy anything she didn't approve of, which meant cigarettes, caffeine and only peppermint tea. Instead she stocked her fridge with everything from instant soup to asparagus. 

Abby decided she wouldn't need to go grocery shopping for another months, for heaven's sake she had enough food to feed an army in there. After they picked up Lara's dry cleaning, the next destination was Abby's home. 

She felt like she hadn't been here for months, even though it was only one and a half days. In awe, she walked into all the rooms, making sure everything was in place before Lara ordered her to go lay down for a nap while she put away the groceries and started dinner. Abby claimed she wasn't hungry, but Lara didn't care. 

One thing Abby knew about her friend was that whenever someone around her needed to be taken care of, she went into mother mode and to get her back was virtually impossible. Abby always suspected her friend was so attentive because she couldn't have children, and hated animals, which meant she was happy to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed it, especially her best friend. 

At around 7 Abby woke up to a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen, she walked into the living room as soon as Lara declared that dinner was ready, "The best Mac & cheese in town." The curly brunette announced and brought the two steaming hot plates into the living room. 

Abby went back into her bedroom and retrieved a purple duvet for them to share while they ate. They ate in silence until about halfway when the phone rang and Abby picked it up, eager to know whom the caller was. 

Suddenly she felt guilty for not checking up on Eric and decided first thing tomorrow morning she'd call the facility he was at. 

For now she'd answer the phone, "Hello." 

"Abby, it's me." 

"Luka? Hi." Abby sounded surprised though she shouldn't have been; somewhere in the back of head the knowledge of a meeting later tonight still existed. 

Lara's eyebrows rose and she put her plate down on the table, then scooted closer to Abby to listen in on the conversation. Abby didn't mind at all, how many times had she eavesdropped on Lara's conversations with boys when they were teenagers-too many to count. 

"Don't sound so surprised, I told you I'd check up on. How are you feeling?" "Good, better than this morning, that sleeping pill made me feel disoriented." She explained, though she didn't really have to. 

Luka remained silent for a second, and then added, "Would it be alright if I stopped by in a few minutes, I'm two blocks away from your house." 

Abby wondered why he was asking permission, but didn't question it, "Sure, you're always welcome here." She reminded him and heard a soft chuckle on the other side. 

"Okay I'll see you." 

"Bye." Abby hung up with a giddy smile and that's when Lara announced she was very happy for her and then got up from the couch. 

"I gather our girl time is over?" she asked, not at all minding the reason why. 

Abby smiled softly, and hugged her friend, "I love you Lars, thanks for everything." The two embraced for a second longer and then proceeded to clear the table. 

"No, don't help me, go beautify yourself for Dr. Kovac." Lara winked playfully and disappeared into the kitchen with their leftovers. Abby leaned against the couch and self-consciously ran a hand through her hair; maybe she really did need to scrub up. 

"Oh god you're getting to me, I was actually considering going to brush my hair." Abby yelled into the kitchen, and took a sip of tea. Lara's infectious laugh flew into the room. 

"Wouldn't kill ya." She teased, and Abby stood up, realizing she needed to use the bathroom anyway. 

She walked across the living room and through the small hall into the first door on her left. She turned on the light and caught her expression in the huge mirror. 

"God, I really do look like I've been through hell." She said to herself, and picked up a brush. Her simple house attire of a gray tank top and plaid green pants accentuated neither her figure nor her eyes, but it didn't matter, it's not like she was going on a date. Pulling her long brown hair into a high ponytail, Abby returned to living room in time to see that Lara had opened the door to Luka and they were comfortable chatting in the threshold. 

Lara looked like she was ready to go, and Luka looked like he was ready to come in. The electricity that sparked when their eyes connected didn't go unnoticed by a perceptive Lara, who quickly walked over to Abby and kissed her on the cheek, "I'll be by before work tomorrow, I suggest you sit tight for the rest of the week. You're on paid leave baby." 

With that Lara departed from the living room, but not before giving Luka a friendly pat on the back. His eyes remained transfixed on Abby, even when Lara told him good-bye; she rolled her eyes and went to the stairs. Luka closed the door behind him. 

"Hi, sorry if I caught you at a bad time." He apologized quickly, but Abby shrugged his consideration off. 

"Hey, don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure Lara has a husband at home who misses her." Abby joked and Luka joined in with a somewhat anxious laugh. 

Perhaps he was just as nervous as she was if not more, after all the encounter they shared in her room that morning seemed all too familiar and yet at the same time scary. 

Would history repeat itself? Would they hurt each other once again? 

"Here goes nothing." Abby thought to herself as she invited her guest to sit besides her on the couch. 

Heavy silence ensued for long minutes while Luka busied himself taking off his jacket; Abby sipped her tea methodically, no longer for the sake of savoring the taste but to fill in time. Who knew this overdue interaction between them would be so stiff, she needed to break the ice. 

"So, I have no caffeine or nicotine in my system, entertain me Dr. Kovac." Abby said, casting a somewhat thin smile toward Luka. 

"I don't think I can do that until you tell me what happened." He admitted in all seriousness so Abby's smile turned flat. 

"Okay, I just thought- oh hell I was never good at small talk was I?" She asked, tilting her head in mock disappointment. That remark seemed to break the ice, ironically. 

"Not a whole lot, no." 

Luka said suddenly very comfortable in Abby's presence. She looked so refreshing and warm, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, her body half hidden by the purple duvet and her feet neatly tucked under his thigh. A reminiscing thought shot through his head. 

This was a major déjà vu, he wondered how many night in total they'd spent sitting like this on the couch, either talking, kissing, or watching TV. The memories became too much for Luka, and yet he couldn't make them go away. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, he thought, but then realized it was now or never; he couldn't keep running away. He couldn't step into Sam's shoes and cause Abby the same amount of pain Sam caused him he just refused. 

"Anyway, hmm, I think that this whole thing started when I passed my boards. It felt so strange to finally achieve something and have it turn out exactly how you pictured. Grueling hours and bad coffee aside, my life revolves around my job because I love it so much, ya know? And I just kept thinking, what was missing from my life? I couldn't quiet put my finger on it. 

Yes I was hurt when John broke up with me, through a letter nonetheless, but somehow afterwards I felt liberated. My break up with him didn't hurt me as much as it freed me and allowed me to think deeper into my unhappiness, and somewhere along the way I realized that I was unhappy because you and I-…" 

Abby paused to make sure Luka was still with her, and he was listening courteously, his eyes watching her with comfort and interest. She smiled in spite herself. 

" Well, we weren't friends Luka, we barely spoke to each other, and before you left for Congo I realized what we've been missing. You almost died for god's sake and we could've lost each other just as easily even before Africa. I don't understand how we could've been so stupid. I miss our friendship Luka, and when it's not the only reason I've been stressed out lately, I want that to change." 

She paused, very happy to get through half the well-planned speech that had been circling inside her head since she woke up. 

"You want to be friends with me?" Luka asked, sounding a little bit disappointed but Abby quickly jumped in to clear up the misconception. 

She scooted closer to him and said, "Maybe more than friends." 

Her suggestive tone made Luka nearly break out in goose bumps. It was true they hadn't shared a deep, genuine conversation since they'd broken up, and it'd been too long for them to stay apart. 

"I'd like that." He whispered but Abby was close enough to hear him, and he was close enough to see the radiance of her smile. 

"You have no idea how that makes me feel." She smiled even brighter; her eyes sparkling with unshed tears of joy. It had finally happened, and just like when she passed the boards this feeling was all that she anticipated it would be and more. 

"Luka promise me next time I do something stupid like break up with you, hit me on the head with something big okay?" she asked, scooting even closer, until she was almost sitting in Luka's lap. She'd dragged the duvet with her to keep them both warm. 

"I could never hit you." Luka whispered, suddenly very infatuated with the amount of body heat she was generating and how perfectly she fit into his arms, her head nestled in the crook of his shoulder, that's where she would remain. 

"Okay then how about a loving pat?" Abby compromised, and Luka laughed. 

When he did, Abby could hear his heartbeat quicken, as did hers. 

"Sure thing" He agreed lovingly, running his fingers through her hair, deep in thought. 

"What are you thinking?" Abby asked, while studying the patterns on his tie. 

"Nothing in particular, just how content I am right now." He whispered, and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Luka do me a favor." She asked carefully as she looked up. 

"Anything." Luka said with great conviction. 

"Stay with me until I fall asleep." Abby said and leaned into him even more. 

"Always." Luka whispered, and then picked her up and carried her to the bedroom… 

Luka got home a couple hours later. Though initially both thought he'd be spending the night, he refused to escalate things. They'd agreed to start over fresh, forget about their history and the break up, but not forget the mistakes they made so they could learn from them. Why implicate an already delicate relationship with sex, they'd have the rest of their lives to do that. 

He was functioning solely on adrenaline and the fire that was suddenly ignited within him. Since he stepped out of Abby's apartment he didn't feel a smidgen of cold, even though it was raining. He debated on whether to vegetate in the living room watching infomercials or try to go to sleep. 

He decided on the former, and sat down on the couch, but just as he reached for the remote something else caught his eye. That postcard. He'd neglected it for three days, at first unable to read it, and then with so much happening around him he simply forgot about it. Now seemed like the perfect time as ever to read it, since he was still on his brave streak. 

His life differed so much from a week ago, and the only reason why was because Abby had come to her senses and in the process made him come to his senses as well, he finally had what he was missing in his life, picking up the post card he began to read: 

_ Dear Luka, _

__

_ Hey, I just want to tell you that Alex and I, we're okay. We settled down in San Francisco, do me a favor and burn this card after you read it, just in case Steve comes looking for us. Then you can truly say you don't know where we are. It's better this way, I'm terribly sorry you got caught in the battlefield that is my life; I never meant to hurt you. Whatever we had between us is as good as over, but I'll never forget you. You changed me in so many ways; you opened me up to new experiences, and new love. You were the first honest father figure in Alex's life and that means more to him than you can ever begin to imagine. He understands why we had to leave; I hope I'm strong enough not to have Steve invade my life once again, for Alex's sake. I'm sorry again and I just need to let you know that you need to move on. Give your love to someone who deserves it. I know she'll be the luckiest girl in the world. __ Love, Sam _

After he finished reading, Luka had a sense of nostalgia replace his new found courage, but the last sentence still remained in his mind for a long time after that. Sam was giving him her blessing to move on and that meant so much to him. She would never know. He wouldn't destroy the only evidence of her existence, and if Steve were smart he wouldn't show up at his doorstep because then Luka wouldn't be responsible for his actions. 

Turning off the TV, Luka decided on some shuteye and walked into his bedroom. Before he retired to bed, he walked over to his bureau and opened the sock drawer; he hid the post card there next to a picture of Abby… 

Let's, let's stay together  
Lovin' you whether, whether  
Times are good or bad, happy or sad… 

END 


End file.
